Most ADHD parenting articles recommend the use of consequences to discourage unwanted behaviors. Consequences, which usually come in the form of removing privileges, are thought to push children to alter their behavior for the better, whether it's doing their chores on time or treating others with respect. But what happens when your ADHD child seems to be unaffected by the consequences? What do you do when consequences don't work?
It's normal for parents to worry when their child appears to be indifferent about consequences. On the surface, it looks like your parenting techniques aren't working. But instead of focusing on making your child care about the consequence, redirect your energies to getting your child to learn from the mistake. Consequences aren't designed to make kids wave a white flag and go, "Sorry, I was wrong." They're there to help your child change their behavior. To make consequences work, you have to remain indifferent yourself as you hand out the consequences. Don't get suckered into an argument, and avoid your child's attempts to negotiate. Simply say, "All right, that's how you feel, but you're still not allowed to watch TV all weekend." Then turn and walk away from the room.
Here are some more tips to making consequences work.
Give consequences that mean something
It's not a good idea to give out consequences at the heat of the moment; often, you'll end up with a consequence that's too lenient or too harsh. Instead, prepare a list of appropriate consequences and consult it when the moment arises. Make sure that the consequences are unpleasant enough to make your child feel uncomfortable - for instance, if your child loves playing video games, don't be afraid to take the console away when needed. Consider what lesson you want your child to learn, and attach it to the consequence. For instance, your aggressive child is rude to his brother, and you want him to treat others with more respect. Take his video games away and give them back if he doesn't curse at his brother for an entire day.
Keep it simple
The most effective consequences are the simplest ones. As soon as you launch into a long speech or debate, the consequence loses its impact. What you want to do is to make the consequences for the inappropriate behavior very clear from the start. Remind your child that if he is nasty to his brother, he loses his video game privileges.
Discuss your child's behavior after the fact
Consequences alone aren't going to teach your child how to behave appropriately next time. As soon as the conflict has been resolved, initiate a problem-solving conversation with your child where you discuss what went wrong and what he can do in the future. Jump-start the conversation by suggesting ideas. "Instead of punching your brother because you're angry, why not jump on the trampoline for a few minutes?" This conversation is important because it will help your child figure out different solutions other than being aggressive. Everyone feels frustrated and angry at times, but everyone has to deal with these feelings properly, especially children with ADHD. Having a conversation after the consequence has been done is the best way to bring about the change you want in your child's behavior.
Dr. Yannick Pauli is an expert on natural approaches to ADHD and the author of the popular self-help home-program The Unritalin Solution. He is Director of the Centre Neurofit in Lausanne, Switzerland and has a passion taking care of children with ADHD. Click on the link for more great information about what is adhd.
Post a Comment